Our Emmerdale review this week was written in our lunch-break, just after

double maths… of course, we’re kidding, but didn’t this week’s episodes feel like being back at school?!

After the brilliant, tense drama of Tom and Belle, this week we were served

up something even less appetising than school dinners! We love Heartstopper, and we love Waterloo Road, and that’s why if we wanted teen-style angst and drama we’d watch them instead.

Here’s the lowdown on why we think everyone needs detention in this week’s Emmerdale review.

Will and Kim’s teenage games

Oh for heaven’s sake, what on earth is going on here? Kim and Will are very much old enough to know better than these ridiculous games they’re both playing. It is exhausting, frustrating and quite honestly, more than a little boring watching them try to get one up on each other and it’s taking us right back to the days of school discos, and ‘he said, she said’ gossip.

Making each other jealous, Will messing up Kim’s nice house, Kim packing Will’s bags – honestly, could they be any more childish?

We know that both Kim and Will are – how can we put this? – morally challenged. They’ll both go to great lengths to get what they want – and it’s a lot more fun seeing them do that together on a mutual enemy, than taking on each other.

If it was up to us, we’d send them off on a trip to Dubai or somewhere, and let them regroup and work things out off-screen, so we don’t have to see it. Then we’d welcome them home, tanned, relaxed and back together, ready to take on the baddies of Emmerdale.

Billy’s boring boxing battles

Meanwhile, behind the bike sheds, Billy’s hiding a huge secret. He’s been taking part in unlicensed boxing matches and getting himself battered in the process. And it’s funny because you’d think this would make Billy and Dawn more interesting, but it actually doesn’t. Probably because it’s all happened off-screen.

Anyway, all it’s done is make us a bit disappointed in Mack and John for being complicit in this whole thing and not telling Billy to grow up and get a proper job. Maybe next week we’ll see them both gathered round Billy shouting “fight, fight, fight!”

Technophobe Tom in our Emmerdale review

Tom King is apparently a whizz at installing secret cameras, but less clever when it comes to destroying technology. He smashed up the tablet that contains evidence against him with a rock, making it smoke – weird – and seemingly forgetting that nothing’s really gone forever these days.

We’re just hoping little Carl, who was watching his odd uncle out of the window, has been paying attention in computing lessons and knows more about finding files on the cloud than Tom does.

Emmerdale review: Sex education

OMG how cringe was Laurel’s chat with Arthur about sex? When she produced a pack of condoms so Arthur could explore his sexuality with older men, we wanted to cry! We were forced to watch the whole excruciating conversation through our fingers.

But when it comes to being a grown-up, Arthur’s been adulting way better than his neighbours this week! He even apologised to John. Very mature!