9-1-1: Lone Star is set to say goodbye forever in its series finale on February 3, but one 126 member who’d been there since the very beginning won’t be there to see it end: paramedic Grace Ryder, who fans had hoped would make a surprise appearance after her sudden exit from the series in the Season 5 premiere.

What happened to Grace in 9-1-1: Lone Star?

Grace — who had been played by Sierra McClain since Season 1 — was written out of 9-1-1: Lone Star in Season 5, Episode 1, “Both Sides Now,” in which viewers learned that that Grace had left her family and Austin, Texas, to volunteer with Mercy Ships, a faith-based organization that performs live-saving surgeries around the world. “She knew it was inconvenient,” Grace’s husband, Judd Ryder, told his son, Wyatt Harris, in the episode. “She knew that it was terrible timing. But she felt the touch of God. I can still see her face that day. Her eyes were shining with tears. Not just tears — this fire, too, you know? And I never loved her more than I did in that moment.”

In Season 5, Episode 10, “All Who Wander,” viewers saw the effect that Grace’s unexpected exit from 126 — and Judd’s life — had on her husband, who confirmed his struggle with alcoholism as a way to cope with his wife leaving him.

“Alcoholism doesn’t develop, nor is it resolved, overnight. Midway through the season, [9-1-1: Lone Star showrunner] Rashad [Raisani] was saying, ‘This is a direction we might go,’” Jim Parrack, who’s played Judd since Season 1, told Variety after the episode. “And I said, ‘Then let’s start layering in what we can now. Doesn’t have to be something written in the script, but if it’s a group scene, put me over in the corner by myself, or kind of isolated or drinking or whatever the case may be,’ so that it didn’t just come out of nowhere at all, even if we had a whole season to resolve it.”

Parrack also confirmed that Grace wasn’t coming back for 9-1-1: Lone Star‘s series finale, so Judd would have to recover from his alcoholism on his own without her. “For the way I approached the character of Judd for five years was that that was family. My family was above all things. My wife, Grace. And so there was a little adjustment to make acting-wise, because all of a sudden, that spine can’t be fulfilled,” he said. “I can’t trick myself, I know Sierra is not coming. And here is where I think the show did a good job with the dramatic literature. That spine was broken when she left. You can’t live for her anymore. She’s not there to live for. And so oftentimes, I think what happens in life, and certainly in the drama, is people start to spin a little bit. The thing that’s been moving them through their lives is removed. They usually begin to take pretty broken steps.”

Despite Grace not returning to 9-1-1: Lone Star for the series finale, Parrack hinted that the show won’t end with bad blood between Judd and his wife. “I love [Grace], and I think she was doing what she was genuinely convicted to do. And how could you not respect that? She’s a woman of faith, and she was seeking guidance from the God that she believes in, ‘What should I do?’” he said. “And she got an answer, and she had the courage to act on it. So it was a little bit of mixed emotions. I was real proud of her, and still am, but I was a little bummed that I didn’t get to wrap up this thing that we started together. We didn’t get to finish it together. But that’s OK.”

As for how Judd finds closure without Grace, Parrack told Variety that he’ll lean on other family members in his wife’s absence. “The original 126 that we lost in the pilot, these were my brothers. And by the time we get around to the final episode of the series, these people that were strangers in the pilot have long since been family, and I’ve got my daughter, and I’ve got a new son, and I’ve kind of got family with Robyn [Lively]’s character, Marlene,”he said. “And there is this link, this connection to Grace, and the presumption is she’s coming home when her work is done. It’s not a fractured family, she’s just away. And the step I get to take, Judd’s position change at the 126, it’s a man who lives for family, and now his family has expanded well beyond what he could have conceived of five years ago. And he’s in a position to be the head of this family.”